partying & boozing hard enough will make one forget troubles.
momentarily. that's good, though it is for awhile.
for new year, we went to
Velvet Underground & drank ourselves silly.
Vodka Lime, Long Island Tea, Flaming Lamborghini & e 33 made us freaking high & almost killed us all.
the puking part is, of course, the most disgusting :x
well, paying to get drunk & puke.
at least, it made me gay for a few hours.
this weekend, after a North Indian dinner at
Swissotel, we headed to
Ministry of Sound to celebrate pauline's birthday.
this is rather amusing.
among the girls, i was the only one who got checked for ID.
guess i should take it as a compliment? =P
i was a party girl reborn at M.O.S.
it had been an awfully long time since i feel like a dancing queen.
u will get the moves at SMOOVE. =)
alot of guys surrounded us at the dance floor.
lucky they didn't do anything funny to us.
it was sardine-packed.
several times, i can feel that cutie's hands near me.
he was standing close behind me.
marlene kept asking me if he was touching me.
i would have smack him if he did!
most of the gang were drunk by the time we headed back to our seats.
they were boozing alot of Chivas.
i wish i was dead drunk so that i can forget my incurring pain.
at least for awhile.
i'm wondering if i was cursed.
whenever, someone asked me how i'm doing & i said everything is good.
a few days later, my life will be screwed.
something, that is going to rip my heart, is bound to occur.
it appears that he has more to speak to someone else.
they talk & sms each other often..
regarding each other's problems & sometimes i hear my name..
i can tell though he didn't say who.
my 6th sense is always right.
am i still the 1st one he tells of his ups & downs?
seriously, i don't know..
things were no longer the same ever since i succumbed to my vice.
do i regret for that vice?
yes, i do.
it almost took everything away from me.
i almost died.
yes, they are good friends. i know.
i've a few close guy friends, too.
i know platonic friendships exist because i've them.
why do i feel threatened?
partly because i don't know her & the gang had seen her before?
seen pics of them?
i'm not a jealous freak.
i'm just a pathetic, insecure loser who can't see the light.
3 months ago, the gang always tell me to move on & take the time to find someone new.
they said i'll have no problems hitching a new chap who might appreciate me more.
but no.. i tried & my little heart still refuses to open up.
he is irreplaceable.
josh disclosed to me that i must work hard & i'll still be the one.
that is what he told josh.
i'm working so hard but can he see?
the whole gang can but can he?
is he blinded by something else?
can he see actions speak louder than words?
one of my failures is not asking enough.
i always let him do what he desires.
i don't ask more. why?
because i'm not a sticky glue or miss ask-it-all.
he has his own life to lead.
he is mature enough to know what is right or wrong.
i don't believe in grilling every details out.
what is the point?
a relationship is built on trust.
when he told me he wants alternative sundays to himself, i said ok.
in my heart, i feel misery building up.
i'm only spending the weekends with him.
2 days out of 7 days.
is that too much?
in fact, it is little.
did i protest?
no, i didn't. i don't deserve the rights to.
all i want is more understanding & love.
are these too much?
look deep into your heart & ask yourself.
why are you punishing me so severely?
do i really deserve this much?
不要把我们之间的爱情剧变成恶作剧好吗?
why do i feel i'm going into my withdrawal state again?
i'm so numb.
i can't breathe.
why am i weeping?
what am i to you?