desperate

can't believe my 1st post after 4 days is something like this :x

it dawned upon me that i'm going to have a hard time surviving...
after i come back from my trips.
provided i manage to secure a decent paying job in jul..
or else.. i'm in shit.

i really want to enjoy my trips to the fullest..
without any resistrictions on my budget.
but after careful calculations, i think it is highly impossible to enjoy myself to the max.
i do not want to end up in debts just because i want to enjoy my trips.
neither do i want to drop out from my trips.
i hate how all the craps are happening.
feel like running away from all the junk falling onto me.
away from all the things that i love :(

frustrated.
upset.
grouchy.
moody.
sad.