drama

my life is a mini drama..
or in fact, each of us have a drama..
mine is full of crap & confusion.
topik was crappy.. i don't know if i will do well.
the only thing i was happy for awhile was meeting him.
both of us had been busy with our own things for the month.
finally have the time to meet up.

'the devil wears prada' is good.
i like it.. somehow i feel i'm like andy.
a newbie at work, trying hard to cope & excel.
somehow she changes & her loved ones cannot accept it.
a movie is still a movie. it has a happy ending.
her relationship takes on a new turn but for me..
it is a totally let-down.
i just realised it has been exactly 1 month.
we agreed to give it a try again but now he told me to go on with our own lives.
he realised it is more than kpop..
the special feeling has disappeared into the thin air.
reminiscence does not exist in a guy's world.
my best friend told me that before.. and he did too..
why are guys so heartless?
or maybe women are too soft-hearted?

why am i crying again? i told myself not to cry.
when he told me the ugly truth, it took me awhile to register as i turned to unlock the door.
my tears just roll down. like it is on auto pilot.
it took me 1 min to realise what he was trying to put across & i called him.
it was an awful time trying to stay calm...
it is a blow after another blow.
how many more to go?
somehow i broke down again.
it is.. no.. it was 8 years.
not 8 min. not 8 hrs. not 8 days. not 8 months. but 8 years.
he was sorry to give me the wrong idea...
to him, he feel that i will have no problem of meeting & finding a guy better than him.
but he don't understand that is not what i want.
i want our relationship to work.
sitting next to him & talk is what i dread most..
for i know things will never ever be the same again.
i do not want to lose him as a friend.. to me, he is more than a friend.
he is someone whom i grow up with..
sharing many ups & downs. through thin & thick.
people always say it is no good to be in a relationship for too long.
and it will be better to pick the person who loves u more than u love him/her.
why can't humans love with an open heart?
love that someone who all your might whole-heartedly?

people have been giving me advice that 3-4 years into the relationship is good enough for marriage.
so was it wrong that i was not ready for marriage at 25?
when i'm ready, it is far too late.
everything has taken onto the wrong path.
so wrong that it costs me our happiness.
i don't give a f*cking damn to evo 9 or those krn guys.
that is NOT what i want.
all i want is him, our friends & the good o' times.
i miss all the times we share, at home, at the bees' place, little nemo, swimming, tennis, gym, ktv, movies, chilling out..
2 months back, we were still laughing at steph & josh for dishing out their silly moments when they were together.
now, i can picture the jokes will be us.
i did not ever think that will happen but it did.
i miss the gang...
why do i feel so lost...?
i'm trying hard to adapt to my new life with him as my new best friend.
am i able to do it?
accept the damn cold fact that he has chosen to let it go.
he has chosen the path to be alone.
me? what will i choose?
why did my most feared moments come true?
i don't know what cause the special feelings to disppear..
is there no way to rekindle it?
why must he force me to turn my attention to other guys?
i don't want..
what i want is my old life back...
i want a time machine.
bring me back to 1999.
let me go back to the past and let me dwell.
i want to be that sunshine girl.
i don't want to wake up from my dream.

tell me what happened just now is just a nightmare..

ANYTHING can happen.
& NOTHING last forever.

give me love...
pls..
give me the strength to love someone again..

listening to 그녀를 사랑해줘요 by 하동균

잠깐 기다려줄래.
지금 데리러 갈게.
왜 자꾸 울기만 하니.
말해, 말해. 어디에 있니.

니가 사랑하는 사람이,
너를 두고 간 거니.
집으로 데려다 줄게.
가자, 가자. 바람이 차가우니까.

너를 울리는 그 사람이,
뭐가 그렇게 좋으니.

너는 모르지, 너만 모르지.
너를 사랑하는 내 맘을.
걸음이 느린 내가 먼저 가지 못해서,
내 자릴 뺏긴 아픈 사랑을.

너의 웃는 모습이 누구 보다 예쁜지,
그 사람 알기나 하니.
정말, 정말. 알고도 너를 울리니.

이름 모르는 당신에게 부탁 하나만 하는데.
사랑해줘요, 사랑해줘요. 내가 사랑하는 그녀를.
당신이 나 대신에 가진, 나의 그녀를.
함부로 다룰 생각하면 안돼요.

사랑해줘요, 내 마음도 몰라주는 그녀를.
그녀가 사랑하는 사람, 당신이니까.
나 보다 많이 사랑해줘요.
다시는 울리지는 말아요.