angel wings

a very sweet card from my dearest friend Ann <333
both of us are overjoyed to receive this!
it is very special to us =D
we are very touched by your lovely thoughts!
*clarence hugs ann*

mr personality & miss chinatown

=P the nicknames given by the gang for the way we looked just now.
a very big thank you to all of our dearest family & friends who turned up to shower us with their blessings =D
it had been a very beautiful day!
the lovely day when i've turned from miss lai into mrs eng / mdm lai.
i think mrs eng sounds more enchanting right? lol~~
"My sis will be MRS ENG on Sunday 11th Nov... Blissful Everlasting LOVE" quoted from laura's msn <3
the food at meritus mandarin was yummy!
i adore the desserts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333
about to tuck into bed as it had been a long day for both of us.
will post some pics soon =D

once again, a huge thank you to all who came & helped out in our solemnization.
your presence is greatly appreciated <333

*clarence bowing to all*

rose

hehee~ darling pauline gave this to me =P
a sweet pink rose with baby breathes <3
it comes with a teddy bear! =)

i wish the lighting is better, kinda too dark to see the pic clearly.
i'm not a huge flower lover person but still it feels great to get this from my close friend.
during my way back, i was thinking how would it be if i were to return home to find a bouquet of sunflowers for me.
touched? i will be, for sure.
i guess i still love the idea of receiving flowers.
well, the sender is definitely a crucial factor.
this year's valentines' is different.
nevertheless, i feel wonderful to spend it with my beloved friends <3
who says valentines' is only meant for lovers..

love is universal =)

happy v day

a very blessed & lovely valentines' day to all my beloved ones =)

i love u all <3

timeless or heartless

if i could swop my heart, i would.
my poor heart is saturated with so many thoughts of all of you.
working much too hard to erase the pain & unhappiness.
my ailing heart is failing.
i don't think i want to endure all these anymore.
stop turning my life into a big yo-yo.
the best solution is to hate me.
it is not that hard to hate someone like me.
i want my heart to stop beating.

i don't mind turning into a robot.
but i will want to erase all memories.
what is the point of bearing all the past memories which will haunt me?
all things should start anew.
am i able to do it?
do i have the courage to start afresh?
even this robot shed tears..
would clara the robot be able to control all emotions?
maybe she can lock up her feelings?
*turns her heart into steel*

where has the innocent love gone to?
where has the unrequited love gone to?

i want to believe in forever love.
i want to believe in friends forever.
time & time again, my heart get slashed.
the bleeding has to stop somehow.
i'm so weary...
谁能带我到一个遥远的地方？
一个没有痛和伤害的地方..
我真的真的好怨卷...

i wish i have a death note to kill myself.
i want to cook up a wonderful plot for myself.

궁

finally watched it.. at ep 5 now.
it makes me wonder...
it is cinderella dream for most girls..
to be married to a prince
(but that happen to be a promise between the late emperor & best friend to have their grandchildren to marry in this drama)
to marry a man who does not love u is a torture.
no one to stand by ur side when u needed help most.
if i were her, i would rather die.
stupid 신 is all haughty & cold towards 채경..
but it seems like ice man is melting..
율 likes 채경, too..
hmm.. 4 angled love.. very interesting...
will 신 accept 채경.. who will stand by him
or his 1st love, 효린 (the bitch in making)?
or will 채경 accept 율 who is always by her side?

oh well.. all these are in dramas only..

NOTHING LAST FOREVER...

i don't believe in anything now.
in this world, people walk in & out of your life.
the only foot prints that are left in your hearts..
are the true friends who will stand by you...

i'm really tired of hearing the same thing again.
if u r my good friend, u would have thought of me.. however..
친구아.. 나인데.. 거짓말아..
나의 마음이.. 너무 아파...

hurt

my latest song craze is hurt by christina aguilera.
i love this girl for her powerful vocals <3

boy~ i knocked off late today.
i ended up waiting for the 5th bus #92 before i can board it.
it was that freaking packed.
during my wait for the bus, i saw this couple wearing the couple fossil watches.
it got me thinking~
why do people wear couple items? be it watches, outfits, etc~
to tell others they are deeply in love?
it is a form of identity?
an expression of 'i love you'?
well.. i respect them for boldly showing their love.
to me, wearing the same clothes is weird :x
anyway~ i don't think i've the right to comment on that~ =)

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

why?

why am i stressed out at work?
didn't feel very good today..
seems like i screwed things up.
even my colleagues too..
maybe it was partly due to the new system..

watching the last ep of 'saving the last dance' by eugene on ch u.
i think i'm immune to touching endings..
i used to sob when i see 'man confesses to woman of everlasting love' & love each other after all the hardships they have been through & living happily ever after.
it will never fail to tickle my little heart.
BUT i did not cry. *stunned*
i am someone who cry easily.
moved by the slightest touching scenes.
is my heart dead now?
void?

maybe

reflection

it is really not worth to wait?
it is really true that he is heartless?
it is really a fact that he is so cold?
so determined to carry with his own life without me involved?
how could a person changed so fast?
was it a build-up tension that affect him so much?
why was i not sensitive enough to sense it?
so what if i did?
will it improve the situation?
it is really too late to do anything now.
why?
because he is no longer putting me in 1st place.
i guess i've not been in the 1st place.
someone else whom i respected is in his 1st place.
the decisions he made is partly based on this person.
it hurts like crazy to know how he has changed...
why must things turn out this way?
fate is only 8 yrs?
he is dumping everything aside without thinking of the many things we have been through...
what does it show?
clara is a failure.

deserted

it is raining so heavily now..
just like my little beating heart.
the grey skies added more gloom to my miseries..

i thought the love is timeless...
i thought it will be everlasting...
i thought we will give it a shot to make it work...

why is the person i'm penning for not giving me the attention?
instead it is the rest of the guys?
i don't want them to call/sms/msn me...
what i want is him...
don't just brush me away like i'm some other acquaintance..
i'm not just another someone..
i'm not..

there are so many things going on in my heart, mind & soul...
pls. enlighten me...
someone tell me what to do...

难道就这样的说忘就忘吗？

timeless mv part 01

timeless mv part 02

drama

my life is a mini drama..
or in fact, each of us have a drama..
mine is full of crap & confusion.
topik was crappy.. i don't know if i will do well.
the only thing i was happy for awhile was meeting him.
both of us had been busy with our own things for the month.
finally have the time to meet up.

'the devil wears prada' is good.
i like it.. somehow i feel i'm like andy.
a newbie at work, trying hard to cope & excel.
somehow she changes & her loved ones cannot accept it.
a movie is still a movie. it has a happy ending.
her relationship takes on a new turn but for me..
it is a totally let-down.
i just realised it has been exactly 1 month.
we agreed to give it a try again but now he told me to go on with our own lives.
he realised it is more than kpop..
the special feeling has disappeared into the thin air.
reminiscence does not exist in a guy's world.
my best friend told me that before.. and he did too..
why are guys so heartless?
or maybe women are too soft-hearted?

why am i crying again? i told myself not to cry.
when he told me the ugly truth, it took me awhile to register as i turned to unlock the door.
my tears just roll down. like it is on auto pilot.
it took me 1 min to realise what he was trying to put across & i called him.
it was an awful time trying to stay calm...
it is a blow after another blow.
how many more to go?
somehow i broke down again.
it is.. no.. it was 8 years.
not 8 min. not 8 hrs. not 8 days. not 8 months. but 8 years.
he was sorry to give me the wrong idea...
to him, he feel that i will have no problem of meeting & finding a guy better than him.
but he don't understand that is not what i want.
i want our relationship to work.
sitting next to him & talk is what i dread most..
for i know things will never ever be the same again.
i do not want to lose him as a friend.. to me, he is more than a friend.
he is someone whom i grow up with..
sharing many ups & downs. through thin & thick.
people always say it is no good to be in a relationship for too long.
and it will be better to pick the person who loves u more than u love him/her.
why can't humans love with an open heart?
love that someone who all your might whole-heartedly?

people have been giving me advice that 3-4 years into the relationship is good enough for marriage.
so was it wrong that i was not ready for marriage at 25?
when i'm ready, it is far too late.
everything has taken onto the wrong path.
so wrong that it costs me our happiness.
i don't give a f*cking damn to evo 9 or those krn guys.
that is NOT what i want.
all i want is him, our friends & the good o' times.
i miss all the times we share, at home, at the bees' place, little nemo, swimming, tennis, gym, ktv, movies, chilling out..
2 months back, we were still laughing at steph & josh for dishing out their silly moments when they were together.
now, i can picture the jokes will be us.
i did not ever think that will happen but it did.
i miss the gang...
why do i feel so lost...?
i'm trying hard to adapt to my new life with him as my new best friend.
am i able to do it?
accept the damn cold fact that he has chosen to let it go.
he has chosen the path to be alone.
me? what will i choose?
why did my most feared moments come true?
i don't know what cause the special feelings to disppear..
is there no way to rekindle it?
why must he force me to turn my attention to other guys?
i don't want..
what i want is my old life back...
i want a time machine.
bring me back to 1999.
let me go back to the past and let me dwell.
i want to be that sunshine girl.
i don't want to wake up from my dream.

tell me what happened just now is just a nightmare..

ANYTHING can happen.
& NOTHING last forever.

give me love...
pls..
give me the strength to love someone again..

listening to 그녀를 사랑해줘요 by 하동균

잠깐 기다려줄래.
지금 데리러 갈게.
왜 자꾸 울기만 하니.
말해, 말해. 어디에 있니.

니가 사랑하는 사람이,
너를 두고 간 거니.
집으로 데려다 줄게.
가자, 가자. 바람이 차가우니까.

너를 울리는 그 사람이,
뭐가 그렇게 좋으니.

너는 모르지, 너만 모르지.
너를 사랑하는 내 맘을.
걸음이 느린 내가 먼저 가지 못해서,
내 자릴 뺏긴 아픈 사랑을.

너의 웃는 모습이 누구 보다 예쁜지,
그 사람 알기나 하니.
정말, 정말. 알고도 너를 울리니.

이름 모르는 당신에게 부탁 하나만 하는데.
사랑해줘요, 사랑해줘요. 내가 사랑하는 그녀를.
당신이 나 대신에 가진, 나의 그녀를.
함부로 다룰 생각하면 안돼요.

사랑해줘요, 내 마음도 몰라주는 그녀를.
그녀가 사랑하는 사람, 당신이니까.
나 보다 많이 사랑해줘요.
다시는 울리지는 말아요.